The Must Haves
Hello friends,
I wanted to let you all know I am continuing my series on dating. I have chosen to share the "must haves" in a relationship. Everyone is different, every couple is different, and no one person or no two couples can be exactly alike; however, in every relationship there are the necessary things I want and have and know others should have, too.
Every romantic relationship needs to build on friendship. Each couple should feel safe with their significant other. If you do not have a safe, lasting friendship chances are you will not a safe, lasting romantic relationship. Having your relationship mean "friends first" will help you recognize you should think your boyfriend/girlfriend as better than you and you will do what is in their best interest. Now, I am not saying to sit there and take it when you think your boyfriend/girl wants to hear something you will just say a little sweet something rather you will do the right thing because you would do that too for your other friends, for your family, and so on. Clay is so loving and caring and he brings out the best in me. I think it is important to bring out the best in someone else.
What do I care about friendship? What should friendship look like? I know those are some questions that we all know the answers to, but I think I can share some insight of how that looks like for me and how I would like to help you see friendship in your romantic relationship. How friendship works out in my relationship with Clay is friendship is open, comfortable, safe, and lasting. I can share many things with Clay. Not only to I share the good, but the bad. I talk openly about what I like and love about our relationship and then we talk about things that we can improve. I LOVE IT...in the last three and half years we have grown. OKAY ladies and gentlemen it is so important to see grow and improvement. Friendship brings out the best in us. Friends challenge one another with love and within SAFE boundaries. I have challenged my friends, not because I am a bitter girl or horrible, but because I love them and want to make sure they are thinking right...that they are healthy. I would like to see people on the right track and thinking critically. You should never let your friend say stupid stuff and encourage them by saying stupid stuff like "that's awesome" like if your friends think killing people is great you wouldn't say "awesome" but you would be like what's going on? You are thinking very violently...are you all right? I know some of you are thinking, "Dea, I wouldn't have friends who wanna kill people for reals." I know people, but fill that crazy talk with something else. How about if you friends were thinking something ridiculous that did not make sense or didn't settle well with you. Friends care for one another, friends share with one another, friends go the extra mile(s) for each other. We are there to encourage and uplift one another—though we might discourage one another, we will come around to seeing how much we mean to each other and choose the better and wiser action. Having a friendship helps in many other areas. The area of expectations is one that comes to mind. When we consider others as our friends we allow them to be them. I think when we forget how our friends are we treat them maybe like clients, customers, strangers, and so on. It can depend on how we respond to them because we have forgotten how much they mean to us and we think of how quickly we can get rid of them or try to solve problems prematurely. Friends can dialogue through problems or issues to think on a ground that is leveled for both; no one is better than the other rather they are trying to see eye to eye. I could continue to write about what friendships should look like, but I think you get the idea. I want to remind others to consider a healthy friendship before a romantic relationship.
Other must haves: friendship foundation, courtesy, encouragement, humor, truth, trust, love, etc. if you have anything missing—say no to the relationship especially trust, love, and encouragement.
that's all for now...
I wanted to let you all know I am continuing my series on dating. I have chosen to share the "must haves" in a relationship. Everyone is different, every couple is different, and no one person or no two couples can be exactly alike; however, in every relationship there are the necessary things I want and have and know others should have, too.
Every romantic relationship needs to build on friendship. Each couple should feel safe with their significant other. If you do not have a safe, lasting friendship chances are you will not a safe, lasting romantic relationship. Having your relationship mean "friends first" will help you recognize you should think your boyfriend/girlfriend as better than you and you will do what is in their best interest. Now, I am not saying to sit there and take it when you think your boyfriend/girl wants to hear something you will just say a little sweet something rather you will do the right thing because you would do that too for your other friends, for your family, and so on. Clay is so loving and caring and he brings out the best in me. I think it is important to bring out the best in someone else.
What do I care about friendship? What should friendship look like? I know those are some questions that we all know the answers to, but I think I can share some insight of how that looks like for me and how I would like to help you see friendship in your romantic relationship. How friendship works out in my relationship with Clay is friendship is open, comfortable, safe, and lasting. I can share many things with Clay. Not only to I share the good, but the bad. I talk openly about what I like and love about our relationship and then we talk about things that we can improve. I LOVE IT...in the last three and half years we have grown. OKAY ladies and gentlemen it is so important to see grow and improvement. Friendship brings out the best in us. Friends challenge one another with love and within SAFE boundaries. I have challenged my friends, not because I am a bitter girl or horrible, but because I love them and want to make sure they are thinking right...that they are healthy. I would like to see people on the right track and thinking critically. You should never let your friend say stupid stuff and encourage them by saying stupid stuff like "that's awesome" like if your friends think killing people is great you wouldn't say "awesome" but you would be like what's going on? You are thinking very violently...are you all right? I know some of you are thinking, "Dea, I wouldn't have friends who wanna kill people for reals." I know people, but fill that crazy talk with something else. How about if you friends were thinking something ridiculous that did not make sense or didn't settle well with you. Friends care for one another, friends share with one another, friends go the extra mile(s) for each other. We are there to encourage and uplift one another—though we might discourage one another, we will come around to seeing how much we mean to each other and choose the better and wiser action. Having a friendship helps in many other areas. The area of expectations is one that comes to mind. When we consider others as our friends we allow them to be them. I think when we forget how our friends are we treat them maybe like clients, customers, strangers, and so on. It can depend on how we respond to them because we have forgotten how much they mean to us and we think of how quickly we can get rid of them or try to solve problems prematurely. Friends can dialogue through problems or issues to think on a ground that is leveled for both; no one is better than the other rather they are trying to see eye to eye. I could continue to write about what friendships should look like, but I think you get the idea. I want to remind others to consider a healthy friendship before a romantic relationship.
Other must haves: friendship foundation, courtesy, encouragement, humor, truth, trust, love, etc. if you have anything missing—say no to the relationship especially trust, love, and encouragement.
that's all for now...
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Dealish Dating Diary 1
So, I made two different dishes for lunch in a period of an hour! sweet, Dea! is what I say to myself and for left overs for the week so I don't have to cook meals all the time. I am on my way to a third dish tonight. I felt sooooooooo cool. However, I am not writing to tell you all that but that I am starting Dealish's Dating Diaries because OCTOBER 5th WAS 3.5 YEARS of dating for Mr. Clay Romo and me.Introductory Blog for Dealish's Dating Diary
I have gathered so many thoughts that I thought I could share with friends and family as to what are red flags, struggles, learning experiences, and all of that good stuff. I would say that I am honored that God has blessed me with a wonderful, goofy and cute boyfriend. It's so true what people say...like Gidget, the first, cute surfer girl said, "You gotta learn how to take the bitter with the sweet." oh man, I love her.
I would love to share as many experiences as possible about dating and to share the celebratory things and to warn others of dangerous ideals/ideas we can pursue. Today I will share about RED FLAGS...
How Clay and I met: Clay and I met at a "Young Political Christian Leaders Event" on the East Coast where we represented our church's youth group and congregation on important moral issues that go beyond abortion, poverty, etc...JUST KIDDING
He really saved my life when I tripped, blacked out, and fell into the Sacramento River at Caldwell Park...JUST KIDDING, again. We met at Simpson University's Freshmen Class Pizza Party at Upper Crust Pizza our very first semester in college. A few hang outs with friends and we developed a crush and the caterpillar broke out of the cocoon and developed into a beautiful butterfly of a relationship. The relationship is not perfect and it is a relationship not a task to be perfect but a foundation of friendship and fun...remember the good and the bad. :) Let me tell you that I am not a great person (DEA=HUMAN)...Clay is the best, and he is a real man because he brings out the best in me. I think I have always had HIGH standards and I am so crazy because I make Clay jump higher and higher with each week; poor Clay and he still loves me? wow. THANKS CLAY! My mom recently reminded me that we are two completely different people and what he can handle is what he can handle and what I can handle I can handle.
Red flags I have come to learn of from other people's relationships not mine, because remember y'all I am perfect (JOKE). Red is usually the color of warning; a color that catches the eye; it causes some sort of stimulation or for the brain to alert the body and the nerves of a possible threat...HELLO FIRE TRUCKS, the lights flail when the sirens sound and FIRE ooh...remember the warnings are for self-assessment or for you to use as a tool for discerning when something does not seem right.
*ladies and gentlemen...do not date people who do not have a heart for the Lord.
*Get to know friends and family well into the dating relationship or in the friend anywhere from 3-12 months if possible. You will need to look for things like can you or can your significant other be yourself around each other's groups of friends...
*Can your man or your woman's friends hang out with your friends?
*Does the man or woman you like/love enjoy your family?
*Does the man or woman you like/love love your family?
*For the interracial couples: does he/she like your food? does he or she like your cooking? Does he/she get to know cultural taboos/to do's? Do you wanna learn the language?
*are you controlling? Is he/she controlling?
*In the week-few months of dating have you lost friends? have you lost friends that are of the opposite sex because the significant other is JEALOUS?
*How is your relationship with your parents? How is his/her relationship with his/her parents?
*Look at habits like smoking, drinking, etc. How are the cleaning habits? The spending habits (be careful not to limit spending to money but time, space, energy).
I know a put a lot of things up for red flags...I know I am always trying to analyze/assess myself daily as it is a responsibility as a human being who knows the Lord its appropriate to self assess...how could I grow, what ways... you know, we always have room for improvement and I think we can work on ourselves but to be careful if we are involved with someone that we should not let things slide but balance it with discretion to see if the person we are with brings out the best in us. This subject is so tough for the sake of subjectivity...however when I talk or think I also try to be objective. I know I want the best for myself and the best for others. My thinking and my heart is so finite, though, so I can only pray that the hopes and dreams are blessed by God that I would influence others for the purpose of witnessing and sharing who we are in the Lord and sharing that we all need Jesus. :)
DISCLAIMER: remember I am a little subjective. The thoughts above are gathered from a life time of observation of my own relationship and other people's relationship. Feel free to toss what I say over your shoulder though I would not encourage it so. For any one who gets mad at me, please: are you mad at me or someone else or something else? Feel free to post thoughts on the blog. Love you all!
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